🚨 BREAKING NEWS: DYLAN STILL SUCKS 🚨 DYLAN STILL SUCKS 🚨 DYLAN STILL SUCKS 🚨 ALERT LEVEL: MAXIMUM 🚨
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DYLAN SUCKS
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A tribute to Dylan Kay
“Engineer”. Mr. Worldwide. The Epitome of Perth.
You are visitor number:
004,827(all of them looking for evidence)
💻 Engineering “Contributions”
- 👎 Migrated react-app to Bun and won't shut up about it
- 👎 Staging + feature branches on Vercel, but prod is still on the old setup. Classic Dylan.
- 👎 Asked someone to test his AI agent. Begged them to stop when it started snitching on him.
- 👎 Believes the Lord of the Rings trilogy is the greatest cinematic achievement of all time and will fight you on it
- 👎 Built an Oracle AI agent and now it's his entire personality
- 👎 Deploys to prod on Fridays and calls it “moving fast”
- 👎 Once said
it works on my machinewith full confidence
🚨 PUBLIC HEALTH WARNING 🚨
Dylan DOES NOT WASH HIS HANDS after using the bathroom. This is not a rumour. This is a VERIFIED, EYEWITNESS-CONFIRMED fact. If Dylan has ever handed you food, our thoughts are with you.
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✈️ Travel “Highlights”
- 📍 Went to Hong Kong and came back with zero cultural awareness
- 📍 Hosted in Perth — the bar for hospitality has never been lower
- 📍 Stomps around your house at 2am like he's training for Riverdance
- 📍 Leaves every bathroom floor like a slip-and-slide. Towels exist, Dylan.
- 📍 The kind of travel companion who says “let's wing it” and then complains about the plan
- 📍 Has been to multiple countries and learned nothing from any of them
- 📍 Packs for a trip in 10 minutes and it shows
⭐ Dylan's Rating
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1/5 — would not recommend as a friend, coworker, or human
📊 The Numbers Don't Lie
100%
of people surveyed agree
0
times he washed his hands
∞
levels of suckage
🗣️ What People Are Saying
“I bought this domain specifically to let the world know.”
— A concerned friend
“Says he's done partying every weekend. He is never done partying.”
— His liver
“He migrated us to Bun. Nobody asked for that.”
— An anonymous coworker
“A man of little words — unless he's trying to jailbreak an AI. Then he has 171.”
— Someone who witnessed the incident
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Made with 💔 by someone who knows Dylan personally and regrets it
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👷 Webmaster: A concerned friend
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